Humans thrive on connection, understanding, and compassion, yet so often we fall into the trap of judgment. In a world where everyone is fighting battles we cannot see, embracing a non-judgmental attitude has the power to bring profound transformation—not just to those we love, but to ourselves and the wider world.
The Repeating Patterns of Struggle
It’s not uncommon to witness someone we care about going through a challenging time. This can be a very challenging experience – watching someone you love suffer can be exhausting and disheartening. It could that they are battling strong emotions, facing mental or physical illness, or trying to navigate painful circumstances. Sometimes, it feels as though they’re stuck in a loop—repeating the same behaviours or choices that bring about similar consequences. We often feel we know the solution, but to remember we are not them is crucial in this moment.
Imagine your best friend has been in and out of toxic relationships. Each time they end a relationship, they promise to change, but before long, they’re back in the same dynamic. You see them suffering, and it stirs up feelings of fear, frustration, or even anger in you. “Why can’t they see what they’re doing to themselves?” you think.
In moments like this, it’s easy to let your fears for their safety or well-being turn into judgment. You might not be able to help yourself and tell them outright they’re making mistakes; or withdraw your support in frustration. Unfortunately, this approach often backfires. When a person is feeling judged, your loved one might retreat further, doubting their own worth and spiralling deeper into turmoil.
Why Judgment Fuels Turmoil
It is important o realise that the bottom line is when we judge others, it often stems from our own discomfort or unprocessed fears. We want to “fix” the situation because it feels unbearable to witness their pain. But this judgement—whether expressed through harsh words or unspoken resentment—sends a message:
“You are not enough as you are. You need to change for me to feel better.”
This message can push someone who is already vulnerable into deeper self-doubt. They may feel more isolated, misunderstood, and incapable of making positive changes. What they need is a sense of safety, not pressure.
The Power of Supportive Presence
Whilst it is not easy, and I can vouch for that personally!, but shifting from judgment to support can create a profound difference. This doesn’t mean enabling harmful behaviours or neglecting your own needs. It means cultivating a non-judgmental presence—a space where the other person feels seen, heard, and valued as they are, even in their struggles.
For example, instead of saying,
“Why do you always end up in these relationships?”
you might say,
“I can see how much this is hurting you. I’m here for you if you need to talk about it.”
This approach opens the door to connection rather than closing it with criticism.
Being supportive also requires maintaining your own energy and boundaries. If you feel drained or overly invested in fixing someone else, it could be a sign that you need to turn inward and tend to your own emotional landscape.
Working on Yourself First
A shaky foundation within us can make it difficult to show up as a stable and non-judgmental presence for others. If you find yourself reacting strongly to someone else’s struggles, take a step back and reflect:
- Are their challenges triggering unprocessed emotions in you?
- Do you feel responsible for their well-being to the point where it’s affecting your own?
- Are your boundaries clear, or are you sacrificing your own energy to “save” them?
By working on your own emotional health, you create a sense of flow and balance within yourself. This doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect or never feel triggered, but it allows you to hold space for others without being overwhelmed.
Awareness Is a Game Changer
The simple act of becoming aware of how judgment affects both you and the people around you can transform your relationships and outlook. When you release judgment, you create a ripple effect:
- You give others the freedom to explore their challenges without fear of criticism.
- You reduce the tension and resistance in your interactions.
- You become a source of stability and inspiration, rather than adding to the chaos.
So, final thought – in a world where judgment is often the default, choosing compassion and support is an act of courage. By becoming aware of your own tendencies and shifting towards non-judgment, you can change not only your relationships but also the world at large—one interaction at a time.