As parents, we want nothing more than to see our children happy, confident, and comfortable in their own skin. We want them to grow up feeling loved and capable or riding the ebbs and flows of life – the good and the difficult which life will ultimately present to them. This may sound too perfect – but all it requires is a strong foundation of resilience – easily created when we have a strong sense of self-love and forgiveness.
But here’s the truth: if we want our children to treat themselves with love and compassion, it is essential that we first fall in love with ourselves.
It’s a bit like teaching someone how to swim — we can’t teach them to dive into deep waters if we’ve never learned to swim ourselves. The journey to helping our children build self-love begins with us, and more specifically, with how we nurture our own resilience and self-worth as adults.
Building Our Own Resilience
To pass down the gift of self-love, we need to ensure we’re modelling it first. Resilience is the key part of this process, as it allows us to navigate life’s inevitable challenges without losing sight of our worth. When we face tough situations, we need to show our children that it’s okay to stumble and fall, but also that it’s just as important to rise up and try again.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking our children are too young to notice our struggles. But kids are intuitive. They’re paying attention to how we respond when things get hard, and they’re learning from it. When we react with fear, stress, or self-doubt, we inadvertently teach them that the world is a scary place to be. But when we show resilience — when we take setbacks in stride and bounce back stronger — we equip them with the same ability.
By building our own resilience, we create an environment where our children can do the same. They’ll see that mistakes aren’t failures; they’re simply opportunities to learn and grow. And they’ll understand that their worth doesn’t hinge on getting everything right — it’s their effort, perseverance, and self-belief that truly matter.
Self-Love Starts with Us
But how do we fall in love with ourselves? It’s not as complicated as it sounds. In fact, self-love is simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. It’s about learning to be kind to ourselves, forgiving ourselves when we slip up, and recognising that we are deserving of care and respect, no matter what.
One of the best ways to start is through mirror work — a simple yet profound practice that can work wonders. This involves looking into a mirror and speaking kindly to yourself. It might feel awkward at first, but it’s an incredibly effective tool for building self-acceptance. Stand in front of the mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and say something like, “I love you. You are worthy. You are enough.” Do this every day, even when it feels uncomfortable, and notice how it slowly shifts your perception of yourself.
Another simple yet powerful tool is the use of affirmations. These are positive statements that you repeat to yourself, reinforcing your strengths and capabilities. Something as simple as “I am confident and capable” or “I trust myself to navigate challenges” can have a massive impact on how we view ourselves. Affirmations help rewire the brain, pushing out negative thoughts and replacing them with self-empowering beliefs.
Simple Does Not Mean It Doesn’t Work
It’s important to remember that simple doesn’t mean ineffective. Small daily practices like mirror work and affirmations are incredibly potent because they are consistent. They don’t require grand gestures or dramatic changes, just a steady commitment to loving and respecting yourself.
By incorporating these practices into our daily lives, we start to build a healthier relationship with ourselves. And when we have a healthy, loving relationship with ourselves, we can naturally pass that love onto our children. We stop projecting our fears and insecurities onto them and instead model a life filled with self-compassion, confidence, and resilience.
Encouraging Our Kids to Love Themselves
Once we’ve worked on nurturing our own self-love, we can begin to teach our children how to do the same. The first step is simply being present. Spend quality time with them, listen without judgment, and create a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Praise effort over outcomes and encourage them to embrace their uniqueness.
Let your kids know that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they are still lovable, no matter what. That if they feel angry or sad, that that is ok – it is just an emotion that needs to flow through them – and whilst it may feel hard watching them, the power of just being that safe space at their time of need will trump any distraction technique tenfold. It is so important to help them understand that they don’t have to be perfect — they’re already enough just as they are.
Finally, be sure to celebrate their wins, no matter how small. Children need to hear how proud we are of them, not just for their achievements but for who they are. Affirming their worth and reinforcing their strengths will help them develop the resilience and self-love they need to face life’s challenges with confidence.
Final thought…
The key to helping our children fall in love with themselves is simple: we need to fall in love with ourselves first. By building our own resilience, practising self-love, and modelling positive self-esteem, we create an environment where our children can thrive. Self-love isn’t about arrogance or being perfect — it’s about being kind to ourselves and embracing who we are, just as we are! When we do that, our children will follow suit, learning to love themselves, face life’s challenges with confidence, and grow into resilient, self-assured individuals.
So, let’s start today. It’s never too late to show ourselves the love and respect we deserve, and in doing so, we’ll help our children grow up with the same gift.