During a beautiful Yin Yoga session I attended recently, the instructor told a story about how a group of monkeys were playing in their tree; they looked down and saw a fish in the water below. Aghast and worried, they quickly climbed down and pulled the fish from the water, deeply believing they had saved it. Once they were back up the tree with the fish, it soon become apparent that the fish’s needed were different to the monkeys’.
This really sat with me, as a parent to adult ‘children’ trying to navigate the delicate path of guidance for my children whilst constantly ensuring they had complete autonomy over their decisions and ultimately their lives was sometimes exhausting.
You see, parenting doesn’t stop when a child turns 18, in fact some of the most significant and meaningful parenting happens when your child becomes an adult. While young children need obvious guidance, discipline, and care; adult children require a different kind of support—one that respects their independence while still offering love and wisdom. But how on earth do you do this, when your child is riding the sometimes harsher waves of life?
Realising that the true essence of this support comes not just from words or actions, but from the energy we as parents bring into the relationship, is a game changer.
Your energy speaks louder than words
Our children, no matter their age, are deeply attuned to our energy. Even if we say the “right” things, if our energy carries judgment, doubt, or fear, they will feel it. The best thing a parent can do is cultivate their own inner peace and trust so that their presence alone offers a safe, non-judgmental space for their child to navigate life’s ups and downs. When we radiate calm, trust, and acceptance, we create an environment where they feel seen, supported, and understood.
Love from a place of love, not fear
One of the greatest gifts a parent can offer their adult child is love that is rooted in trust, not fear. Fear-based love manifests as worry, control, or unsolicited advice, often signaling—consciously or not—that we don’t believe they are capable. Instead, when we approach our children with trust, confidence, and an open heart, we empower them to trust themselves and their own decisions. This really is a game changer because when a person has faith in themselves, they become unstoppable, in the nicest possible way.
Respect their independence
As children grow into adults, they need space to make their own decisions—even if those decisions lead to mistakes. Offer advice when asked, but avoid pushing your opinions too forcefully. Trust in the values you have instilled in them and allow them to find their own path.
By holding space instead of trying to control, you send a powerful message:
“I believe in you.”
Support, but don’t try to save
It’s natural to want to protect your child from struggle, but constantly rescuing them can hinder their growth. Instead of being a safety net that catches them every time they fall, be a steady presence that encourages them to stand back up. Offer emotional support, guidance, and wisdom, but allow them to take responsibility for their own lives.
Listen without judgment
Creating a truly safe space means listening without judgment or the need to “fix.” Your child may have different perspectives, values, or lifestyles than you envisioned, and that’s okay. Being an open-minded, compassionate sounding board strengthens your bond and encourages them to seek your guidance when they need it.
Release worry—it’s not helping them
Many parents believe that worrying about their child is a sign of love, but worry carries an energy of doubt. It subtly communicates, “I don’t trust that you can handle this.”
Instead, replace worry with trust. Know that they are capable, resilient, and learning exactly what they need to learn at their own pace.
If you struggle with this – try to embrace the following statement…
take a deep belly breath, and sigh it out…then repeat in your head as many times as needed:
‘I trust in my son’s/daughter’s journey. They are capable, strong, and learning exactly what they need to learn. My love for them is rooted in trust, not fear. I release worry and replace it with faith, knowing that they are finding their way in their own perfect time’
Whilst this might seem like just words, repeating this quietly to yourself over and over and over is extremely powerful. Energetically it is many more times powerful than speaking it out loud. When you say it, place your hand on your heart and try to feel it – it will slowly start to ease your worries and with repetition will simply become the truth you live by.
Let them experience consequences
As difficult as it may be, sometimes the best way for an adult child to grow is through experience. Whether it’s handling financial struggles, career setbacks, or relationship challenges, allowing them to deal with consequences builds resilience.
When they feel trusted and supported rather than controlled, they develop confidence in their own abilities.
Set healthy boundaries
Just as you respect their independence, they should also respect your boundaries. If your adult child relies on you for financial or emotional support, it’s essential to set limits to avoid dependency. Boundaries create a healthier, more balanced relationship where both parties feel respected.
Support their dreams, even if they’re different from yours
We spend most of our adult life trying to find our creativeness and imagination – so don’t snatch these qualities away from your adult child with the view that they ‘need to get into the real world’.
If your adult child has aspirations that don’t align with your expectations; that is their prerogative. Whether it’s an unconventional career path, a non-traditional lifestyle, or choices that seem risky, show your support. Encouragement and belief in their abilities go a long way in helping them succeed.
It is my deepest believe that if they are listening to their heart, they will go far.
Prioritise your own happiness
One of the most valuable things a parent can do for their adult child is to live a fulfilling life themselves. When parents focus on their own happiness, passions, and well-being, it sets an example for their children to do the same. It also relieves any burden they may feel about being responsible for their parents’ happiness.
Keep communication open
Even as adults, children still want to feel connected to their parents. A simple text, phone call, or visit can mean a lot. However, allow communication to be natural and not forced. Make sure they know you are there for them while giving them space to reach out on their own terms.
Love unconditionally and without attachment
At the core of every parent-child relationship is love. But true love is not about control, expectation, or attachment to a specific outcome. It’s about offering unwavering support while allowing them to walk their own path, even if it looks different from the one you envisioned. When your love is free from fear and filled with trust, you create a foundation for a lasting, deep, and meaningful relationship.
Final Thoughts Parenting an adult child requires more than advice and guidance—it requires a conscious shift in energy. The best thing you can do is offer love and presence while allowing them the freedom to navigate their own lives. By embodying trust, respect, and emotional safety, you create the conditions for them to flourish.
What’s the best advice you’ve received or given as a parent of an adult child? Share your thoughts in the comments!