Do you ever feel like you just need to escape? That your life is so untenable, or that you’re exhausted, flat, and find no joy in your daily life? So much so that your brain throws ideas of change at you — but there is no real roadmap, and certainly no confidence to take the first step?
I felt like this three years ago. I was “lucky” — only working three days a week — yet those three days in a job that gave me no satisfaction left me drained and miserable. I tried so hard to make an impact, but it felt like pushing water uphill — an analogy I shared often in evening conversations with my husband. On the other four days, I tended to the house, caught up with friends (none of whom I felt particularly close to, through no fault of their own), and worried endlessly about my now adult children. If they struggled – I hurt – if they weren’t radiating happiness, I felt sad – I basically couldn’t be joyful or doing fun things unless I knew they were happy. If they were happy, I could breathe, for a moment at least.
I remember listening to a podcast once — someone said, “You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” I gasped. Someone had spoken the truth. It reassured me I wasn’t alone, but it also brought an immense weight of sadness.
I loved my children wholeheartedly. I told them, hugged them, gave them the physical affection I had longed for as a child. Yet I often acted closed off around others — important people, people I couldn’t simply walk away from. I only felt fully “me” in front of my husband and children. At the time, I thought this was normal.
When Covid hit, I was petrified. I pursued comfort in ways that unintentionally hurt others. I remember shouting to my husband, sobbing, “I’m not a bad person!” — desperate to be seen, not because we were arguing. Walking away afterwards, I thought: What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so much bad inside? My inability to relax, let go of control, and simply be was literally wringing the life out of me — and my loved ones.
Recognising Patterns
Subconsciously, I always knew two things about myself. First, I was “designed” to be the support: the homemaker, holding the background together, not pursuing professional ambition — even walking away from an opportunity to study law at university. My parents had subtly ensured I understood this, perhaps to protect me from disappointment. Second, although I hated confrontation, when pushed too far — when I cried or felt completely out of control — my anger could be explosive, sudden, and intense.
I was controlling to the point of being passive-aggressive. If people didn’t sing to my tune, I wouldn’t confront them outright — that felt too vulnerable — but I found subtler ways to express frustration. A sigh, an unfinished task, or a carefully chosen comment would hint at irritation. Looking back, it wasn’t really about them; it was my way of coping with fear of being seen, discomfort with conflict, and a deep desire to maintain control over situations I didn’t trust.
I’m not proud of it — and I’m still very much a work in progress — but I can now see it as a human response to stress and inner tension. Over time, as I began noticing the subtle messages in my body and energy, I realized these patterns were pointing to something deeper: my need to feel safe and heard. The more I nurture that inner safety, the less I feel compelled to control or manipulate situations. I can now express frustration, set boundaries, and speak my truth without it turning into a silent battle — though I’ll admit, I still hesitate in the face of loud or overconfident personalities.
The Turning Point
Thankfully, my husband was a patient soul — he truly needed saint-like qualities to put up with my anxious mess. Quite frankly, I was fed up with me, not my life. On the surface, I had it all — a wonderful family, a stable job, a comfortable home. I was grateful, yet a silent, invisible force seemed to forbid true contentment. I didn’t know what to do.
My husband suggested I leave my job, hoping it might be the answer. It helped, but there was much more to follow. Over the next two years, I chased healing — courses, retreats, learning, investing — not knowing the depth of the journey I was embarking on.
It wasn’t until recently, after a significant life change, that I turned inward. I became fascinated with the invisible force inside me — the suppressed energy that keeps revealing itself, and will continue to do so until my last day. Healing a lifetime of suppressed energies is not linear, and it never truly ends. Yet all of my experiences — good, bad, and ugly — have led me to this moment: the start of my public writings. Every experience, even the imperfect ones, is valid, important, and perfect in its way.
Your Inner Voice
So back to the original question: do you ever feel like you just want to escape? Even somewhere beautiful can feel “ugh” — because the mind is not so easily fooled. Exhaustion, flatness, lack of joy — your brain throws ideas at you, yet you can’t escape your mind.
If this resonates, my advice is simple: Stop. Pause. Listen.
That’s it — simple, but not easy.
Deeper down, your real voice is quiet but persistent. It throws up problems — life is a struggle, I feel flat, I have everything but nothing feels enough. But it doesn’t just present problems; it hints at the answers. Deep down, you know what lights you up, what makes your heart sing, what brings contentment — even if it seems far removed from your current life.
Listening to this inner voice can guide you toward your full potential, your purpose, and genuine peace — not just happiness, but emotional equilibrium, the real gold dust of life.
Creating Space
To hear it, you need to create internal space. Trust yourself — not your parents, partner, or anyone else — to know your own blueprint. Real change begins within, not externally, and sometimes requires stepping back from unsupportive environments, placing gentle boundaries, and allowing yourself to process your feelings without judgment.
Short daily practices help: pause briefly in the morning, over a cup of tea, or at the end of the day. Take deep breaths, drop from your head into your body, place a hand on your heart, and say, “I’m here now.” You’ll begin noticing how much tension and energy you’re carrying physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Ask yourself: the “shoulds” in your life — are they yours, or someone else’s? Even loved ones cannot know your life better than you. If a step back is necessary — changing a job, adjusting commitments — it’s not failure. It’s a chance to reclaim your energy, your choices, and your inner voice.
Expanding Awareness in Daily Life
Creating space doesn’t require dramatic external changes. It begins with intentional pauses, even for a few minutes:
- Before getting out of bed, notice your body and breath
- While making a cup of tea, observe sensations in your hands
- During short walks, feel the movement of your body and the rhythm of your steps
- Place a hand on your heart and quietly say: “I’m here now”
Over time, these small acts accumulate. They allow blocked energy to surface, subtle guidance to be heard, and the invisible force to begin moving in healthy ways.
Subtle Humour and Warmth
You might notice your mind racing, planning, and judging. That’s normal. Treat it with gentle humour — the kind that invites a smile rather than mockery. For example: noticing a fleeting thought of “I should have done X yesterday” and simply acknowledging, Ah, there you are again, familiar old friend, can create small but meaningful relief.
Closing Reflection
The first step toward transformation is recognition and awareness. Feeling exhausted, restless, or controlled is not a failure. It is an invitation to notice, pause, and connect with your inner guidance.
Your inner voice is subtle but persistent. It nudges you toward alignment, contentment, and a sense of freedom. This voice does not rush. It is patient. And it will always be there, waiting for you to listen.
Daily takeaway:
- Pause and breathe
- Notice sensations in your body – tension, aches, tightness, pain
- Begin journaling and reflecting – what emotion is most prevalent, or is it a sensation in the body or a worry in the mind?
- Give yourself small moments to simply be
The key truth: your intellect alone cannot rewrite the subconscious. Logic can plan, but the subconscious decides what manifests. To create something new, you must work with the energy beneath the surface, not just the logic above it.
In the following articles, we will explore how to start creating the space within so that you can start listening deeper as well as the mind and its voices in detail, looking at logical thinking, subconscious patterns, and how they interact with your inner guidance.