As I began training in Emotional Freedom Technique Matrix Reimprinting, I had no idea the Pandora’s box I was about to open. I was learning about old energies that live in the body—energies that can manifest as emotional baggage, illness, tension, or pain. I discovered that much of the grief I carried was inherited—both ancestrally and directly—from my family.
Without going into all the painful details, what I realised was profound: these ancestral and familial energies had shaped my life in ways I hadn’t fully understood. They lived in my body, influencing everything from childhood bronchitis to unexplained lung issues in my late 30s. The emotional release that followed was overwhelming—tears, sobbing, and a sense of everything tumbling out in a room full of strangers.
What hit me hardest was the guilt. I realised that, in trying to protect my children, I had unconsciously passed down patterns and kept them “small,” much like my own mother did with me—not to punish, but to protect. That realisation was like a fist to the chest. I felt despair, guilt, and deep sadness. Even though my adult children were abroad, I found myself trying to control them, offering advice, sending Reiki, and talking about letting go—anything to release my pain.
At first, it felt cruel. Life seemed to be punishing me for my past parenting choices. The emotions were intense and heavy—so much so that it resembled depression. This is a common experience when these deep, stored energies begin to surface. It can be frightening and is often resisted, because the feelings are raw and overwhelming. But this is not depression in the clinical sense—it is your body and energy system processing what has been held for years, and it is a crucial part of healing. That said, if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unsure, seeking professional support alongside energetic work is always wise.
Guilt Is Love That Has Not Been Properly Processed
It’s important to understand guilt not as punishment, but as love that has not yet found its way to be fully expressed or integrated. It’s asking for self-compassion. When you allow yourself to process it, you begin to clear space inside yourself—space to be the parent your children deserve, and space to release what is no longer theirs to carry.
Realising you’ve unknowingly passed down wounds to your beloved children can feel devastating. The good news is that there is a way through it.
Working on Yourself Frees Your Children
The first step is clearing the space within yourself. By doing your own inner work—releasing fear, guilt, anger, and other suppressed emotions—you stop unconsciously transmitting them. Energetically, it’s like taking a weight off your children’s shoulders that was never theirs to bear. This allows them to process their own experiences freely and build resilience.
One simple yet powerful exercise is to sit with a photo of your child(ren) when they were younger, full of play and joy. Project loving energy onto that moment. Energy knows no boundaries of space or time. This reconnects both you and your child to their aliveness, playfulness, and freedom—reminding you that underneath everything, that essence still exists.
A Path Forward
For parents of adult children, it’s crucial to recognize that your influence naturally lessens as they grow. True healing comes from working on yourself, not trying to control or “fix” them. Resilient Me is designed to support adults through this process—helping you process your emotions, release old patterns, and build your own resilience.
For adult children, if you feel it may help, you can gently guide them toward awareness and tools—such as my True North program for young adults—then step back and allow them to decide for themselves. The goal is awareness, not control.
By doing the work within yourself, you allow your children to walk their own journey with less inherited burden, and you create a deeper sense of peace, freedom, and connection—for both you and them.